Yay Me!!!!! (This is what happens when you are left to your own devices all day, and the only bloody thing on tv is reruns of The Suite Life of Zach and Cody (at least Disney Channel shows something somewhat entertaining, and I do have to thank them for giving me my new fav slogan....Yay Me!!!)
Basically, as it stands, after four treatments (not all of which have gone smoothly, but I'll get into that later) I am kicking my evil cancer demon (this is the nicest term I have come up for it. I have other, slightly more colorful terms for it, but those are all advanced and we just won't go there.) in the rear!!! Yay Me!!! I'm up more, I'm around more, I can do things I've been wanting to do for months, now (like play the Wii (boy has that been a lifesaver purchase if ever there was one.) and see my best friend for more than five seconds.) It's good. I feel like I'm getting my life back, and I love that.
So, we are four treatments (a cycle is two treatments, so I have done two cycles) down, and doctor said it's looking more like we'll be aiming for the lower end of the six to nine cycle spectrum (six cycles, so I'm almost halfway done, if all goes as planned). Read, best birthday present for my mom and brother, ever, and I don't even have to buy anything. I just have to get all better. Which, I am more than happy to do. There's even a chance I will not have to do radiation (which doesn't necessarily scare me, though it does increase the risk of secondary cancers (aka Breast cancer and the like, not fun in other words). I am actually okay with radiation, if it's necessary, but I would prefer to avoid that if I can. As with anything cancer related, there's always a risk it will pop back up, and I'm the sort that likes to have as many options for future things as possible. AKA, I get radiation, now, I can NEVER have it again (for any cancer).
So, let's talk my sense of humor (which, as many of you know, has always been a little off, anyway. What can I say, I am the product of my environment. Total goofball, in other words. I mean, I watch Mel Brooks movies for crying out loud.) Been holding really well, so far. I can even look as my blood is drawn, now (big step up for me. Normally seeing my own blood makes me go seven shades of white and hyperventilate.), and I make jokes about how difficult it is, on occassion, to get my port a cath to a blood return (after this last poke, I thought I was going to have to get all pretzely and such, it was giving the nurse such a hard time.) I have even taking to renaming various medical instruments.
For example. The blood pressure cuff will now be referred to as the Squeeze My Arm to Death Machine, or possibly Darth Squeezy. Can't really decide which I like better.
Okay, onto the subject that had me the most anxious before treatment (no, not my hair (rolls eyes and says loudly "I am not that vain")). Nausea. The first two treatments went great. No real nausea, pretty much felt fine, with a little bit of a topsy turvy stomach. These last two have been somewhat less than stellar. Treatment three, I felt a little nauseous the day of (thankfully did not have any sort of action that day), fine the next day, and then day three hit. Let's just say the bucket finally got used (but only once and then I was fine.) Treatment four rolls around, I felt fine for most of it, got wiped out on the last drug (Dacarbazine, or the new most hated drug on my top ten list), went home, slept more, woke up, and oh my gosh. New level of fun! That continued for the rest of the evening (yippie?), felt okay-ish the next day (not great, but not like the point of eating was going to be totally defeated, you know?) but got hit later that night. At least day three was fine.
Now, we have a new fun experience to add to the random fun experiences (you do know I'm being sarcastic, right?) Jaw pain. Which, I thought was TMJ (I had a bout back in 2002, and that was a trippy experience, but thank god for soft foods), initially. Turns out that another one of the drugs (vinblastine) can cause jaw pain. In everything the doctor mentioned about the side effects of the drugs, he DID NOT mention jaw pain! Numb fingers and toes, yes, but we have a big goose egg on mentioning it could cause jaw pain. So, Vinblastine is, now, Number two on the list of my all time unfavorite drugs.
All in all, it has not been horrible so far. I am gaining weight (which is the biggest irony in my life. I go through all the trouble I did last summer to lose weight by walking to work, and now I freak out when I lose weight and I'm happy when I gain it.) I have not lost all my hair (and, yes, I am kind of ticked off by this! As I said before, I am not that vain, and while it has taken me a long time to get my hair to the length it is, I would have been okay with losing it. How many times in one's life do you get to change your appearance, after all? In a strange, bizarre way, I kind of wanted to find out what I would look like bald (I blame Natalie Portman and her shaving her head for V for Vendetta a few years ago.). I have handled it all much better than I think anyone thought I would.
What did you expect though? I am a Butte girl, after all. We do have a bit of a reputation for toughness, after all. I can't go upsetting the natural order of things.
So, this whole thing is not as daunting and awful as I thought it would be. Of course, good music and good movies, and good reads help to pass the time. Right now, my current favs in music are a band called Within Temptation and, of course, Britney Spears, and I'm currently working my way through a book called Lost in Austen (which is basically a choose your own adventure book with characters from the Jane Austen novels, and set in her books. So, naturally, I love it!!!) And if my best friend ever gets a chance, we will hopefully be watching the movie Twilight (may I add a HUGE, FINALLY!!!! to that) this week.
So, if anyone wants to know what I might like to have to pass the time (chemo is long and boring, and I am going through my library of books, as a result) these next few months, gift cards to Hastings would be welcome, as would any of the Jane Austen novels (except Pride and Prejudice or Mansfield Park, since I already have those two), anything by Shakespeare (though, maybe not Macbeth, that was kind of a sleeper, really), or any book having to do with Henry the 8th or Tudor England (I have a couple about his wives, but I am just fascinated by the whole period, even if he was a bit of a sod. I also, have several of Phillipa Gregory's novels.) And, to be honest, I am running out of books to read (I'm at the point where I may have to hunt my copies of Twilight, Eclipse, New Moon, and Breaking Dawn down again, for something to read.)
So, I will sign out, for now, and will probably post as I decide to post or things develop or such.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
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